« Comcast Partners With iKeepSafe | Main | NAB Holiday Party: Industry Celebs & Red Meat »
Kevin Martin & Eddie Fritts: Kings Of Comedy?
Highlights from Wednesday night’s annual FCC Chairman’s Dinner at the Washington Hilton, sponsored by the Federal Communications Bar Association. FCC Chief Kevin Martin, weary from a long day before Congress, poked fun at his recent battles with lawmakers and the cable industry:
“I have to admit that I usually dread delivering this speech. I’m not nearly as good at comedy as – oh, I don’t know – say charming my fellow FCC commissioners.”
“This year I can say I'm actually thrilled to be here. In fact, if I weren't at this dinner, I'd still be testifying before Congress.”
“Now I recognize that I’ve brought some of my recent problems on myself. For example, my cable choice proposal. You know the one, where cable gets to choose to do whatever I say.”
“But seriously, I’ve heard your complaints about how late the meetings have been starting. So I’d thought I’d start my next one early. So I’d like to welcome everyone to the December . . . [laughter]”
“Honestly, though, enough is enough with these late-night meetings. I just can’t keep delaying the meetings so you can run up your billable hours anymore. I think the clients are catching on.”
“I recognize that as rough as things are right now, they could be a lot worse. Some of you might remember a recent headline from the Washington Post” (The headline “Chinese Regulator is Sentenced to Death” was displayed on video screens throughout the ballroom)
“I should wrap it up here. I have another Senate hearing next week. Hopefully I’ve accomplished my real goal for the evening – doing enough bad jokes that they’ll criticize me for the jokes rather than my policies.”
Former National Association of Broadcasters prez Eddie Fritts, delivering an encore presentation after he brought the house down at the last Chairman’s Dinner, didn’t disappoint with these jokes:
“You know, I’m not really prepared. I only got notice from the FCC about this event five days ago.”
“Also, an update on the war. It’s still going on . . . between the FCC and cable.”
“The Senate has a 90-day window for public comment on the ownership rule changes proposed by the FCC. Now Kevin has no problem with that, especially since there are no plans to actually read the comments.”
“In case you can’t tell from my accent, I am from Mississippi, which means there’s been a lot of talk lately that I would be named to fill the Trent Lott seat. By the way, in the Washington tradition, all that talk is from me.”
“Let’s be honest, there are lawyers in this room that make $500 an hour on [the XM-Sirius merger]. That sounds like a lot unless you’re the D.C. Madam. The difference, of course, is there are things she won’t do for money.”
“I spoke to Kevin on Monday and asked if he had recently received a Dingellgram. He said ‘yes.’ I asked him if it hurt, and he responded ‘yes.’ And he also recommended that all men over age fifty get a Dingellgram at least once a year.”
“Kevin is chairman by virtue of the No Child Left Behind Act. I’ve known Kevin since he was 25 years old looking 12 years old. Let’s be honest, Kevin looks so young that even Mark Foley would throw him back.”
“I’m here to introduce Kevin Martin, ladies and gentlemen, or as Comcast would call him: Ebenezer Scrooge.”
-- David Hatch
Posted by Andrew on December 7, 2007 08:49 AM | Permalink
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://amcblog.nationaljournal.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/3650
